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Post by MightySage on Sept 12, 2004 18:43:31 GMT -5
yes,the cheez fest shall comtinue untill all memers have posted here!!! ;D
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Post by Googy McFloogal Puss on Sept 13, 2004 2:02:46 GMT -5
That could take some time...
(A rip-off of the "Cheers" theme plays, only with Alex, Calum, Neil, Oggelsby, Shrimpy, etc. in other characters places)
Singer: Making your way in the world today, is really really, hard! Especially when you spend all your cash in a stupid bar! Wouldn't you like to go away? Sometimes you wanna go...
Where nobody knows your name! And they think that you're insane! You wanna drink where people think, your stories are all the same, you wanna go where nobody knows your name!
(Judge Judy music plays and prison bars wheel across the screen. Alex, Calum, Satinder, Neil and Oggelsby are sat in their prison cell. Alex, the Frasier of this show - because Frasier is Sideshow Bob and totally cool - is talking to another convict in the next cell)
Announcer: "Beers" is filmed in front of a live studio audience... AT THE CENTRE OF THE EARTH!!!
Alex: (talking to convict) ...So I said to Calum, you sir, are a dickhead!!!
(The audience laughs)
Convict: Who's Calum?
Alex: Never mind... Anyway, what you in for?
Convict: I killed a guy and his friends who looked just like you kids... Their faces were pissing me off...
(The door opens and Shrimpy walks in wearing a towel and a shower cap looking mortified)
Shrimpy: Hi...
(The audience applauds)
Alex: Shrimpy, what's wrong?
Shrimpy: I dropped the soap in the shower...
(the audience laughs)
Alex: Uh-oh... Then what happened?
Shrimpy: I bent down to pick it up...
Calum: I can see where this is going...
Shrimpy: And I slipped over and all the other convicts laughed at me...
Alex: Is that it?
Shrimpy: It was a very traumatic experience!!!
(A cop walks over)
Cop: Hey, Shrimpenstein! There ain't enough room for you to share this cell!
Shrimpy: Who am I sharing with?
(Fade out, then in. Shrimpy is sharing a cell with Michael Jackson)
Michael: (gayly) Hello!
Shrimpy: Um... Hi...
Michael: I'll be Peter, you be Tinkerbell!
(Shrimpy screams and sits up in bed)
Shrimpy: Oh, I just had the most horrible dream!!!
(Camera goes back to reveal Jackson lying next to him)
Michael: Oh, you poor little guy...
(Shrimpy screams more)
(The next morning in the canteen)
Shrimpy: And he kept going "Ow!" and touching himself... He said it was a dance...
Oggelsby: That's nasty!
Alex: Look, this place sucks... We have to get out of here somehow...
Oggelsby: But the police think we burnt the bar down...
Alex: Well, we did come pretty close...
Oggelsby: Yeah, but we changed our minds... We've been framed!
Shrimpy: (shocked) Great Scot! You're right!
Calum: We've gotta get out of here, the only way we know how...
("The Great escape theme" plays. We witness a montage. First up, Alex, Calum and Satinder are digging with teaspoons. Oggelsby smuggles the dirt outside in his ass. Neil becomes the prison bitch and Shrimpy whores him out to a skinny convict in exchange for 3 shovels. Now Alex, Calum and Satinder are using the shovels to dig their way out. Oggelsby smuggles even more dirt out in his ass. Shrimpy whores Neil out to a butch convict in exchange for 3 automatic drills. Alex, Calum and Satinder use the drills to dig. Oggelsby, now looking in serious pain, smuggles even more dirt out in his ass. Shrimpy whores Neil out to the fattest, most repulsive looking convict in the world in exchange for hand grenades. Alex, Calum and Satinder throw the grenades in the tunnel, blowing up the entire prison killing every other convict in the place, but freeing the gang. The alarms sound as the gang run across country, their shackles broken)
Calum: So, Alex, What are you gonna do now we're free?
Alex: I got a girl waiting for me...
Calum: Really?
Alex: Yeah, Samia Ghadie!
Calum: Alex, you don't really know her...
Alex: Shut yo mouth! Now let's get outta here...
Oggelsby: What are we gonna do about the bar?
Shrimpy: Let's kill Lynnesey and reopen it as "Beers"!
Alex: Sounds like a plan to me...
Announcer: Will the gang get the bar back?
And who was it that framed them in the first place?
And where is Alex's damn drink?
Find out, in the next installment of "Beers"...
Singer: you wanna go where nobody knows your name!
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Post by muffinpriest on Sept 13, 2004 10:47:36 GMT -5
*Herschee muffin priest starts to conduct the holy service of the cheese* "I declare this cheese fest baptised and ready to paaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrtttttttttttaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!!! to the maX" RIGHT WHO TOOK MY WHEEL OF CHEESE OWN UP..................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.::HerscheeMuffinPriest-'Covered in cheese'::.
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Post by MightySage on Sept 13, 2004 17:57:44 GMT -5
*takes out a nacho cheese cannon*MHUHAHAHAHA!!!!!!*fires cheese in all directions,covering alex,gimpy,and the time traveling hummer*oh shit!!!*because of the cheeses intense heat,the hummer is melted*OH MY GOD!!!!I AM SO FUCKING DEAD!!!!!!*runs and hides under a buffet table*
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Post by Googy McFloogal Puss on Sept 14, 2004 1:18:19 GMT -5
Never mind the hummer, what about me!!!
(is melting)
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Post by MightySage on Sept 14, 2004 17:53:18 GMT -5
errr.......umm......*runs away*
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Post by Gimpy,LordofallthatBreathes! on Sept 14, 2004 19:33:17 GMT -5
OH MY GOD!!!!!! YOU'RE SO FUCKING DEAD MIGHTYSAGE!!!!!!! CHUPAS.........BITE HIIIIIIIIIIIM!!!!!!!!
::12 Chupas leap into the air in slow mow fashion while MS tries to evade! Camera focuses on Gimpy's emotionless face as we here rough-housing and MS' strangled horrified screams::
This will take me months to repair.... SWARTY!!! ::a chupa appears by his side:: Take the Hummer to Crater 12 and bring up the Time Traveling Station Wagon! It'll have to do... Oh, and - make sure they get MS' wallet... that is all! ::chupa scurries off::
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Post by Googy McFloogal Puss on Sept 15, 2004 1:26:59 GMT -5
Mightysage has really done it now...
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Post by MightySage on Sept 15, 2004 11:47:32 GMT -5
wait!i know how to fix everything!just dont sue me,take my wallet(not that i have any money....),or bite me any more!!!*reaches into his robes and pulls out the Time Wizard card*Time Magic!!*every thing is sent back to before mightysage sprayed everybody with nacho cheese*
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Post by Googy McFloogal Puss on Sept 15, 2004 14:02:25 GMT -5
Well... I suppose we'll let you off...
But will the gang in "Beers" get off scot free? By gum, it's time for the next installment me thinks!
Announcer: Previously on "Beers"...
(Clip-reel, some clips are cut up and moved about)
(from episode 1...)
Alex: how much money have you made since opening this bar last year?
Oggelsby: Twelve million dollars...
Alex: Oggelsby, half the people on that tab are dead... If you don't get money quick... you could lose the bar!!!
(Oggelsby looks scared)
(from episode 2)
Oggelsby: How can we raise twelve million dollars?
Neil: hold an open day!
(Now episode 2 with Lynnesey voiceover, while we see "Queers" from episode 4)
Lynnesey: if you don't raise 12 million dollars by the end of this week, we'll be turning "Beers" into a gay bar!!!
(Episode 4, Oggelsby on fire)
(episode 4, near the end)
Trevor McDonald: In other news, local gay bar, "Queers" was burnt to the ground last night... The police have no suspects...
(the gang sighs, relieved)
Trevor McDonald: Except for the former owner, Adam Oggelsby and ex-regulars, Alexander C. Hale, Calum S. Forbes, Neil Mehta, Satinder Singh and Mr. Johnathon Z. Shrimpenstein III...
(prison bars slide across)
(Episode 5, in prison)
Convict: I killed a guy and his friends who looked just like you kids... Their faces were pissing me off...
Alex: (gulps)
(later in prison)
Oggelsby: We've been framed!
Shrimpy: Great Scot! You're right!
(The prison explodes and the gang run across country)
(clip from episode 2)
Satinder: We've got to save "Beers"...
(end of clip reel)
Announcer: And now, the exciting conclusion, of "Beers"!
(A rip-off of the "Cheers" theme plays, only with Alex, Calum, Neil, Oggelsby, Shrimpy, etc. in other characters places)
Singer: Making your way in the world today, is really really, hard! Especially when you spend all your cash in a stupid bar! Wouldn't you like to go away? Sometimes you wanna go...
Where nobody knows your name! And they think that you're insane! You wanna drink where people think, your stories are all the same, you wanna go where nobody knows your name!
(The episode starts up. Alex, the Frasier of this show - because Frasier is Sideshow Bob and totally cool - is talking to Oggelsby at the appartment)
Alex: (talking to Oggelsby) ...So I said to Calum, you sir, are a dickhead!!!
(The audience laughs)
Calum: ALEX!!! For the last time! Stop telling that damn story!!!
Alex: Okay, okay... I'm sorry. Last time I'm ever gonna tell it...
Oggelsby: He Alex, you want a drink?
Alex: Yep, Orange squash...
(The door opens and Shrimpy walks in wearing army gear)
Shrimpy: ATTEN-HUT!!!
(The audience applauds)
Alex: Shrimpy, what the hell are you doing?
Shrimpy: I'm getting ready for "opperation: kill Queers"...
Neil: That title is offensive to me!!!
Shrimpy: Fuck you!
(the audience laughs)
Alex: What are we going to do then?
Shrimpy: Well, the bars already in ruins, we just need to get Lynnesey convicted of insurance fraud...
Calum: How are we gonna do that?
Shrimpy: We'll need evidence... But how to get it...
Alex: Let's get Lynnesey to confess to one of us in disguise...
Shrimpy: Not a bad plan, but who to disguise?
(Gang look at Shrimpy)
Shrimpy: Uh-oh...
(later outside "Queers", Lynnesey is planning to build a new bar there. Shrimpy walks over, dressed as a gay)
Shrimpy: Hey, you silly goose! Is there a gay bar around here?
Lynnesey: No, it burnt down... But if you'd like a drink, you can come round to mine...
Shrimpy: (giggles gayly) Okay, but first tell me how it burnt down...
Lynnesey: Don't tell anybody, but I did it! I needed the money to fund my drug habits...
Shrimpy: (pulls off gay clothes revealling his regular suit beneath. He is holding a tape recorder) AHA!!! GOT YOU YOU BASTARD!!!
Lynnesey: Shit!!!
Shrimpy: I've got it all on tape! (presses button)
(the tape plays, but it's not Lynnesey)
Shrimpy: (on tape, singing) It's fun to stay at the YMCA...
Lynnesey: HA! YOU AIN'T GOT SHIT ON ME!!!
(Camera goes back to reveal Steven Hawking behind him)
Steven: No, but I have...
Lynnesey: Professor Hawking!!!
Steven: I have used my computer to record you... (motions to policemen) Arrest this tosser...
(The policemen take Lynnesey away)
Lynnesey: You bastard!!!
(Lynnesey is dragged off. The gang walk on)
Oggelsby: Professor! You saved us!!!
Steven: Yes. I felt it was my duty.
Alex: Where you going now, doc?
Steven: (sadly) I suppose I will return home, alone...
(he starts to leave, sad music plays)
Shrimpy: Stevie! Wait!!! (Hawking stops)
Steven: (expecting to be invited to hang with the gang) Yes?
Shrimpy: Can we borrow $12 million?
(Hawking sighs)
(Now we cut to a scene, inside the newly built "Beers". The regulars and Hawking are all there. The text at the bottom of the screen reads "6 months later")
Alex: (talking to Hawking) So I said to Neil, you sir are a homosexual!
Steven: HA HA HA HA HA. You guys are alright.
Oggelsby: Thanks doc! Can I get either of you a drink?
Steven: No thank you.
Alex: I'll have that damn orange squash...
Oggelsby: Sure thing! (he fills the glass and slides it along the counter. It completely misses Alex and goes flying, smashing on the floor)
Alex: Oh, Goddamnit!!!
(The audience laughs)
Shrimpy: Well, I think we all learnt a valuable lesson...
Calum: Yeah, don't trust Lynnesey with anything!
(the audience laughs)
Oggelsby: Speaking of Lynnesey, I wonder what ever happened to him...
(Lynnesey is in his prison cell. Michael Jackson is his cellmate)
Michael: Look Bubbles, we've got a new playmate...
(he starts to hop towards Lynnesey)
Lynnesey: Bubbles? What the...
(The screen goes blank. Lynnesey's screams of horror are heard)
(We now witness a "Looney Tunes" style ending sequence as Oggelsby pops up in a giant circle thingee)
Oggelsby: Th-th-that's all folks!!!
(The circle closes and he gets stuck)
Oggelsby: Um... guys...
(lights go off)
Guys?
(long silence)
Oh, son of a bitch...
THE END
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Post by MightySage on Sept 15, 2004 15:18:18 GMT -5
lol!great alex!!!! ;Dwant some nacho cheese?
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Post by Googy McFloogal Puss on Sept 15, 2004 15:40:52 GMT -5
No thank you. I'll stick to my cheesecakes! Which reminds me, Gimpy my good friend, 12 more Cheesecakes, I'm horribly depressed...
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Post by MightySage on Sept 15, 2004 16:08:43 GMT -5
why are you so depressed alex? Mr.Shrimpy died?duchey was kiddnapped by the Men in Black?Calum moved?you cant go on the internet anymore!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?
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Post by Gimpy,LordofallthatBreathes! on Sept 15, 2004 21:37:18 GMT -5
::Chupacabras applaud:: Great fin Alex! Great Fin! Here, take your cakes!
Well, I'm afraid to say it, but the Cheez Fest has wound down. We've had a great performance by Alex and the cast of "Beers", had some good magic tricks by MS :: looks at MS with evil eyes:: and taken a look into disasterous past events! But now, it is the final ceremony! THE MOONATIC PYROTECHNIC FIREWORK EXTRAVAGANZE OF DOOM!!! Er, scratch the doom...
Now, last year we destroyed the sun! THis year... we're...gonna...... ::looks towards chupa with headphones and a clipboard:: What are we doing Mike! ::Chupa shrugs::
Hmmmm, well, it seems there is only one way to solve this. We'll take suggestions! GOOD PEOPLE OF THE BOS!!! What should we blow up that will be radically cool and intensely eye burningly bright?
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Post by Googy McFloogal Puss on Sept 16, 2004 1:44:15 GMT -5
SCHOOL!!!
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