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Post by Bengl Von Shadowstein on Sept 6, 2004 12:18:43 GMT -5
It was jesse ray crestensen i 'disappeard'. besids, when sombody is disinagrated, they leve nothing behinde. no bones, no flesh, and no bottley substanses. not even a pile of ash.
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Post by Gimpy,LordofallthatBreathes! on Sept 6, 2004 19:47:37 GMT -5
Delightful!
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Post by MightySage on Sept 6, 2004 20:57:28 GMT -5
gimpy!a giant truck of cheese just landed on you,yet you are unharmed?!this gives me more respect for the strength of the moon.
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Post by Gimpy,LordofallthatBreathes! on Sept 6, 2004 23:02:46 GMT -5
YEAH! RESPECT!
::tries to walk off without limping::
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Post by Bengl Von Shadowstein on Sept 6, 2004 23:12:26 GMT -5
YAY! hey gimpy, dija know that the moon drifts another inch away from earth every year?
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Post by Googy McFloogal Puss on Sept 7, 2004 1:29:47 GMT -5
Yes... She is trying to escape!!!
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Post by King Edward Potatostein on Sept 7, 2004 11:04:26 GMT -5
*Handel's 'Music for Royle fireworks' plays* look at them go...
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Post by Googy McFloogal Puss on Sept 7, 2004 11:34:18 GMT -5
(A rip-off of the "Cheers" theme plays, only with Alex, Calum, Neil, Oggelsby, Shrimpy, etc. in other characters places)
Singer: Making your way in the world today, is really really, hard! Especially when you spend all your cash in a stupid bar! Wouldn't you like to go away? Sometimes you wanna go...
Where nobody knows your name! And they think that you're insane! You wanna drink where people think, your stories are all the same, you wanna go where nobody knows your name!
(The show starts up. Oggelsby is still behind the bar and Alex, the Frasier of this show - because Frasier is Sideshow Bob and totally cool - is still sat at the bar, but has now been joined by Calum, Satinder and Neil)
Announcer: "Beers" is filmed in front of a live studio audience... (gunshot) Well, almost...
Alex: (talking to Oggelsby) ...So I said to Calum, you sir, are a dickhead!!!
(The audience laughs)
Calum: Hey!!!
Alex: Sorry... Anyway, Oggelsby, where's my damn drink?
Oggelsby: Sorry, doc... Comin' right up...
(The door opens and Shrimpy walks in dressed as Mr. T)
Shrimpy: Hey, fools!!!
(The audience applauds)
Alex: Still the wrong show, Shrimpy...
Shrimpy: Oh well... This was all the store had...
Neil: Guys... What are we gonna do about the bar?
Shrimpy: Drink at it, then when it closes and Oggelsby is poor, we'll move on to a new bar...
Oggeslby: But what about me?
Shrimpy: We can sell your body to science!
(Audience laughs)
Oggelsby: That's not funny!!!
Satinder: We need a plan... We've got to save "Beers"...
Alex: Anybody got any ideas?
(tumbleweed rolls past)
Oggelsby: How can we raise twelve million dollars?
Shrimpy: We could... steal it...
Neil: Or hold an open day!
Alex: I'll bring balloons!
Oggelsby: I'll make a spread!
Calum: I'll make another spread, because you'll end up eating the first one...
Shrimpy: I'll bring entertainment!
King 1: I'll bring Frankensense!
King 2: I'll bring Mir!
King 3: I'll bring Gold!
Oggelsby: It looks like we can save "Beers" after all!!!
(Lynnesey appears at the door)
Lynnesey: Not so fast!!!
(Audience boos)
Oggelsby: What do YOU want?
Alex: Yeah, Lynnesey! Go away, you've been barred!
Lynnesey: I just came from my job at the bank to tell you that if you don't raise 12 million dollars by the end of this week, we'll be turning "Beers" into a gay bar!!!
(Dramatic music plays)
Alex: OH NO!!!
Oggelsby: OH NO!!!
Shrimpy: OH NO!!!
Calum: OH NO!!!
(Kool aid man bursts through the wall. Everybody looks at him)
Kool aid man: OH NO!!!
(everybody looks at him, funny)
Kool aid man: (awkwardly) What? This guy's gonna turn "Beers" into a gay bar! This isn't a time for "Oh Yeah"!!!
Lynnesey: Oh yes it is... By this time on Monday, "Beers" will be renamed "Queers"!
Neil: That's not so bad... At least I'll be more accepted...
Lynnesey: (laughs) No! All "Beers" regulars are barred! I'll see you on Monday...
(he leaves)
Alex: Right, call the T.V channels, string up the banners, castrate the rats... It's time to earn 12 million dollars!
(Freeze frame)
Announcer: Will the gang raise enough money?
And what happened to Alex's drink?
Alex: Yeah, I've been waiting for two episodes already!!!
Announcer: And if the live studio audience was shot at the start, how come they laughed and applauded throughout?
Find out, in the next installment of "Beers"...
Singer: you wanna go where nobody knows your name!
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Post by Googy McFloogal Puss on Sept 7, 2004 12:44:50 GMT -5
"Beers" seems like a film I could easily produce (seeing as how we'll only need 1 set...), but I'm gonna wait until the 3-4 part show is finished. While I wait for feedback on that, here's the original pilot episode for the sitcom "Friends"...
(Alex, Calum, Satinder, Oggelsby and Neil are sat in Central Pork eating ham by-products)
Alex: So what, you guys are Ross and Rachel?
Oggelsby: No! I'm Joey!
Calum: No, I'm Joey!!!
Alex: Neither of you are Joey!!!
Neil: Then who's Joey?
(Shrimpy enters)
Shrimpy: How you doin'?
(Audience applauds)
Alex: He's Joey...
(A rip-off of the "Friends" theme plays, only with Alex, Calum, Neil, Oggelsby, Shrimpy, etc. in other characters places)
Singer: So no one told you life was gonna be this lame?
(clap thing)
This show's just junk, it sucks, the stories all the same!
It's like they always show the same old show...
Why has it been on so long? I really don't know!
Why's this show still on? When the stories are crap? Why's this show still on? Does it make people laugh? Why's this show still on? When Futurama's not on...
(The show starts up. The guys, minus Satinder, are sat in Neil and Oggelsby's appartment)
Oggelsby: So, is anybody coming to the opening night of my resturant tomorrow?
Neil: Oh, sorry Adam, I have to give a presentation at Bloomingdales...
Calum: I have to go give a big seminar at the dinosaur museum...
Alex: And I also have to do something sitcom related...
Oggelsby: What about you Shrimpy?
Shrimpy: I don't see why not...
(Satinder enters with his guitar)
Satinder: Hey, you guys, I wrote a new song...
(sings and plays) Smelly pussy, sme-helly pussy, what are they feeding you? Smelly pussy, smelly pussy, it's not your fault!!!
(audience applauds)
Alex: Wow... Could that be anymore of a copyright infringement?
(audience laughs)
(Transition. We are now at the resturant. Oggelsby is giving Shrimpy a tour)
Oggelsby: And over here, we have the lobster tank...
Shrimpy: Hey, cool! Cousin Bertie!!!
(Cousin Bertie looks against the glass. There is an awkward silence)
Shrimpy: What's Bertie doing in the tank?
(Oggelsby looks at Shrimpy, guiltily)
Shrimpy: Is he... is he swimming?
Oggelsby: No Shrimpy...
Shrimpy: Well what's he doing?
Oggelsby: Shrimpy, he's on the menu...
Shrimpy: (waits a moment) You sick bastards...
Oggelsby: (quietly) Shrimpy, that's not your line...
Shrimpy: I know it's not. I'm fed up of this! This show is NEVER gonna get off the ground! "Friends"? Who the f*ck'd watch that?
(Calum walks on)
Calum: Yeah, the jokes suck!
(Alex walks on in scuba gear)
Alex: ...and the storyline makes no sense!
Shrimpy: You know what? Screw this crappy series and screw you! I quit!!! You can get those back-up guys to play our parts... That "Matt Le Blanc" and "David Schwimmer"...
Alex: ...and "Courtney Cox" and "Jennifer Anniston"...
Satinder: And "Lisa Kudrow" and "Matthew Perry"...
Shrimpy: Yeah, good luck with your crappy show, ya bastards!!!
Neil: I bet you don't even make it past the pilot!!!
(fade out, then in. We see the final moment of the last episode of Friends, 10 years later)
Ross: You guys... er... wanna go get some coffee?
Chandler: Okay, where?
(The audience laughs. The screen cracks quickly then goes off. The camera reveals Shrimpy, now an old man, sat in an armchair, remote in hand)
Shrimpy: Ha!!! I told them it'd fail!!!
Alex: What the hell are you talking about? The show lasted 10 seasons...
Shrimpy: Oh... Son of a bitch...
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Post by Gimpy,LordofallthatBreathes! on Sept 7, 2004 19:34:36 GMT -5
ROFL Alex! Those rock! Write more, write more!
I think it may be time for the firework finale soon...
And still no cheese orders! NO ONE'S BOUGTHEN CHEESE!!! Oi, the Moon will have to cut back on things this year without the valuable profits the cheese produce....
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Post by Bengl Von Shadowstein on Sept 7, 2004 21:59:06 GMT -5
That reminds me... Gimpy, ill have 16 pounds of chedder!
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Post by Gimpy,LordofallthatBreathes! on Sept 7, 2004 22:43:12 GMT -5
YEAH!!! TAKE IT!!! TAKE IT FOR FREE!!!!
::bengl takes 16 pounds of cheddar for free::
wait.......NO!! COMEBACK!!! I TAKE BACK THE FREE THING!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
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Post by Googy McFloogal Puss on Sept 8, 2004 1:22:07 GMT -5
Do you sell cheese cakes? If so I'll take 5!!!
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Post by Bengl Von Shadowstein on Sept 8, 2004 10:28:41 GMT -5
*bengl walks back, puts a nickle on gimpys counter and walks away*
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Post by Googy McFloogal Puss on Sept 8, 2004 11:31:57 GMT -5
(A rip-off of the "Cheers" theme plays, only with Alex, Calum, Neil, Oggelsby, Shrimpy, etc. in other characters places)
Singer: Making your way in the world today, is really really, hard! Especially when you spend all your cash in a stupid bar! Wouldn't you like to go away? Sometimes you wanna go...
Where nobody knows your name! And they think that you're insane! You wanna drink where people think, your stories are all the same, you wanna go where nobody knows your name!
(The show starts up. Oggelsby is still behind the bar, which is now decorated with balloons and a buffet table, and Alex, the Frasier of this show - because Frasier is Sideshow Bob and totally cool - is still sat at the bar with his friends and is helping himself to hot-dog saugages)
Announcer: "Beers" is filmed in front of a live studio audience... FROM OUTER SPACE!!!
Alex: (talking to Oggelsby, whilst eating) ...So I said to Calum, you sir, are a dickhead!!!
(The audience laughs)
Calum: Hey!!! Why do you keep telling the same story?
Alex: It's part of the theme song... Anyway, Oggelsby, I have been sat here for two days now and still haven't received my damn drink!!!
Oggelsby: Sorry, doc... I'll get right on it...
(The door opens and Shrimpy walks in dressed as Fred Flintstone)
Shrimpy: BARNEY!!!
(The audience applauds)
Alex: Shrimpy, that's the Flintstones...
Shrimpy: I know, I know... I don't know any "Cheers" characters that I could dress as... Anyway, it's supposed to be a fun day with a special celebrity guest... Where are they?
(Steven Hawking enters from the men's room. The audience applauds)
Steven: I have a problem with my fly. Can somebody zip me up?
(audience laughs)
Hey, that's not funny!
Oggelsby: (smiling) This is him!
Shrimpy: Who? Ironside here?
(audience laughs)
Steven: Fuck you, Bee-atch.
Shrimpy: Anyway, where is everybody?
Oggelsby: (smiling) This is it! I haven't seen this many people here in months!
Steven: At these prices, I am not surprised.
(audience laughs. Oggelsby looks mad)
Shrimpy: (to Oggie) Want me to pop his tires?
(Oggelsby nods)
Steven: Anyway you losers, I would like a drink please.
Oggeslby: What'll it be? Your usual?
Steven: No, today I'd like something that doesn't suck.
(Audience laughs)
Oggelsby: (laughs) Okay, I'll get your usual...
Alex: (to Neil who is sat with a big jar of money) So Neil, how much cash have we raised?
Neil: (checks total) about $12.42...
Alex: And how much did the party cost?
Neil: (checks list) about $35...
Oggelsby: (excitedly) That means we're almost half-way there!!!
Calum: This isn't going to work, is it?
Shrimpy: Just leave it to me...
(30 minutes later, Steven Hawking is drunk off his head. He is wearing a wig and his glasses hang loosely. He is also singing karaoke)
Steven: (singing) Now that Macccccckkkkkeeeeyyyys back in towwwwn... look out old Mackey is back...
Shrimpy: (applauds) That was great, Stevie!!!
Steven: Thank you Shrimpy, you are my best friend...
(audience goes "Awwww!!!")
Shrimpy: That's great. Will you give me $12 million?
Steven: Sorry, Shrimpy, I only have $9 million on me at the moment...
Shrimpy: It'll do... (takes money) You can send me the rest tomorrow...
Steven: Okay, Shrimpy... But now I must go...
Alex: Where are you going, Professor...
Steven: Wherever the wind takes me!
Shrimpy: So, prison then?
Steven: You are very funny, Shrimpy!
Shrimpy: It's true. I am...
Steven: Goodbye to you my crustaceous friend!
Shrimpy: Bye, doc!
Oggelsby: Bye Professor! Come back soon!
Steven: If I could walk, I would never set foot in this bar again...
(audience laughs. Hawking leaves)
Neil: Well, we got $9 million and Hawking's sending you the rest tomorrow...
Shrimpy: No he's not... (holds up Hawking's credit cards) look what I found!
Alex: Shrimpy, that's stealing!!!
Shrimpy: It's okay. I'll return them later...
Alex: With money still on them?
Shrimpy: Oh, come on, I'm not a freakin' saint!!!
Oggelsby: Well, the bars safe and that's all that matters...
(Lynnesey appears)
Lynnesey: Not so fast!!!
Alex: It's too late, Lynnesey! We've raised $12million and we're gonna pay those debts!
Lynnesey: It's too late for that! It's official 12AM on Monday! Bye bye "Beers"!!!
Oggelsby: But we have twelve million dollars...
Lynnesey: Give it to me then!
Neil: Here's nine million... The rest is in the bank...
Lynnesey: Well, I'm afraid it's too late. The bank is closed! It's a bank holiday Monday!!! "Beers" is mine!!!
(Dramatic music plays)
Oggelsby: OH NO!!!
Neil: OH NO!!!
Alex: OH NO!!!
(Hawking wheels back in)
Syeven: Hey Shrimpy, you backstabbing bastard. Give me back my credit card!
Shrimpy: OH NO!!!
(Freeze frame)
Announcer: Will the bar really close down?
And will Steven Hawking help the gang?
Steven: Screw you guys. I'm getting out of here and taking my $9million with me...
Announcer: And where the hell is Alex's damn drink?
Alex: It's not coming, is it?
Find out, in the next installment of "Beers"...
Singer: you wanna go where nobody knows your name!
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