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Post by Zoidberg on Aug 5, 2004 22:05:20 GMT -5
Q. What question can you never answer "no" to?
A. "Can you hear me?"
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Post by Zoidberg on Aug 5, 2004 22:35:55 GMT -5
How many Zen masters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change it and one not to change it.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Sixteen. One to change it and Fifteen to form a support group.
How many IBM engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They merely change the standard to darkness and upgrade the customers.
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. That's a hardware problem.
How many University of Iowa freshman does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. That's a sophomore course.
How many punk rockers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change it and another to eat the old one.
How many existentialists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to screw it in, and one to observe how the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
How many IBM PC owners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. But he'll have to go out and buy the lightbulb adapter card first, which is extra.
How many real estate agents does it take to change a lightbulb?
Ten, but we'll accept eight.
How many Floridians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Don't know for sure, they're still counting.
How many database programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three. One to write a light bulb removal program, One to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure that nobody else tries to change the bulb at the same time.
How many honest polititians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Both of them.
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Post by Bengl Von Shadowstein on Aug 5, 2004 22:40:27 GMT -5
Q: what do you call the ghost of a Chicken?
A: A poltryghiest!
(oh man...... That was terribble....)
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Post by Zoidberg on Aug 5, 2004 22:42:44 GMT -5
lol no it was good
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Post by Bengl Von Shadowstein on Aug 5, 2004 22:45:37 GMT -5
Q: what man can jump higher than a building
A: any man with useable legs, for a building cant jump.
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Post by Zoidberg on Aug 5, 2004 22:45:55 GMT -5
lol
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Post by Zoidberg on Aug 5, 2004 22:47:00 GMT -5
Q: There was a plane crash and every single person dies. No one was around for one hundred miles. nobody witnessed it happen. How did the newspapers find out about it the next day? Note: The answer is not "because it didn't arrive at it's destination."
A: Every SINGLE person died. All the couples lived.
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Post by Googy McFloogal Puss on Aug 7, 2004 9:58:26 GMT -5
I've got one, but you have to hear it rather than read it...
Q) Twenty sick sheep in a field, one dies, how many left?
A) Ninteen sick sheep.
(Now ask somebody the question and they'll say 25; they think you said twenty six sheep)
Alright, that sucked...
Q) A clerk in a butchers store stands 5"11. What does he weigh?
A) Meat
Q) How many months have 28 days in them?
A) 12
Q) Is it illegal for a Californian man to marry his widow's sister?
A) Technically, because he's dead.
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Post by Googy McFloogal Puss on Aug 7, 2004 10:27:32 GMT -5
Right, here's a good joke...
A man walks into a butcher's shop and looks behind the counter. Only the head butcher is there. The man recalls a previous visit when the head butcher had an assistant who would prepare additional meat for him.
After being served, the man asks where the butcher's assistant has gone.
The head butcher frowns and explains that his assistant was fired because he kept putting his dick inside the sausage slicer when he wasn't looking.
The man glances at the sausages he has purchased disgusted and asks the butcher what he did with the sausage slicer afterwards.
"Don't worry..." replies the butcher, "I fired her as well..."
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Post by MightySage on Aug 7, 2004 14:28:22 GMT -5
lol,good one alex.and now,i present,
The Retard Test
1.a rooster lays an egg on top of a house shaped like this: /l if the wind blows to the left,which way does the egg roll?
A:it doesn't.roosters dont lay eggs.
2.if a plane from california crashes in florida,where do they bury the survivors?
A:you dont.they survived,lol.
3:you are a bus driver.if there are 20 people on your bus,then five get off,2 get on,7 get off,4 get on,15 get off,14 get on,whos the bus driver?
A:you,stupid.
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Post by Bengl Von Shadowstein on Aug 9, 2004 16:19:37 GMT -5
Q.Hey, did ya' hear about the Fritoes Joke?
A.Nevermind.... Its too Corny
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Post by Zoidberg on Aug 9, 2004 16:22:37 GMT -5
lol good one
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Post by Bengl Von Shadowstein on Aug 9, 2004 16:31:08 GMT -5
Q:If a train leves China at 95 Mph at 2:00 Pm ans a nother train leves india at the same time going at 200 MPH, wich one will get to Australia first?
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Post by Zoidberg on Aug 9, 2004 16:32:26 GMT -5
neather no way to cross all that water
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Post by Bengl Von Shadowstein on Aug 9, 2004 16:35:57 GMT -5
That one was more of a riddle than a joke...Oo, i got another riddle!
two fathers and two sons went fishing, they wer happy because all of them caught a fish, but they only had three fish, how was this possible?
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