The BOS and the chamber of Neverland

[Googy McFloogal Puss]

(Moonwhile, at the Gryffindor table...)

Ven: THANK GOD WE DON'T HAVE TO SHARE A ROOM WITH HIM!!!

(elsewhere, Mr. Hails is recalling up other second years to be rehoused. Ven and Alex have both been placed in Gryffindor. They are joined by True-lies, Gimpy and Bengl, as well as Josh who missed out on the first year. The Gryffindor girls include Chloe, Kaveeta and Chloe's friend Cristen. Mightysage and Zoidberg are nowhere to be seen. Ravenclaw becomes Calum, Tim, George and several other insignificant beings, Hufflepuff remains as Neil and Oggelsby - as well as some other queer kids - and Slytherin becomes Lynnesey, Satinder, Doofus, Dorkus and Pickle with Charlotte, Kim and Kirsty. There are a few other retards here or there. It now becomes time for the big announcement of the term...)

Dumbledore: (stands) Welcome to another year at Hogwarts... (collapses suddenly)

Mr. Hails: GOOD GOD!!! (checks pulse) HE'S DEAD!!!

(a slight, though not really concerned, gasp falls over the room)

Shrimpy: (in robes and fancy hat) My goodness!!! That makes you headmaster, Mr. Hails!!!

Mr. Hails: (glancing upwards as angelic music plays) It... does... For so many years, I have taught at this Godforsaken school... Did that old bastard's job... Now, finally, I achieve power...

Doc Brown: Great Scott!!! How did he die?

Nurse Knightly: It appears to be a case of extreme posioning!!!

(gasp)

Nurse Knightly: And AIDs!!!

(another gasp)

Fingers: If you're headteacher, who is the new Care of magical creatures teacher?

Doc Brown: I'll do it!!!

Jack: But, Doc, what about Defence against the dark arts?

Doc Brown: I think our new potions teacher was after that position. He seems capable enough...

Mr. Hails: Speaking of which, where is he?

(A mysterious man appears at the door to the hall, lightening strikes in the background)

Man: (gruffly) I'm right here!

Mr. Hails: Ah! Professor Mooney! You have been promoted to (interupted by Mooney)

Mooney: I heard!!! (walks across the silent hall) And I'll be glad to take the position... After all... (clamps hand down on random student's shoulder) I know all about the dark arts...

(the silence is broken by Oggelsby farting. Everybody laughs wildly and the mood from before returns)

Mr. Hails: Well, Dumbledore's *finally* dead... Though I could've sworn this has happened before... Anyway, we need a new potions teacher... I'll place an add in the Prophet...

Alex: (to Chloe) I doubt ANYBODY could be as bad as Mr. Page...

(The next day, the interviews are underway)

Mr. Hails: So, you come highly recommended by Mr. Shrimpy... May I see your CV, Mr.... what was your name again?

Caveman: GROM!!!

Mr. Hails: (slightly disturbed) Yes, Mr. Grom... Your CV?

Grom: GROM CRUSH!!! (uses club to smash desk. We witness transition, Hails is interviewing another potential teacher, his arm in a sling)

Mr. Hails: Well, your CV and everything are very impressive. There is just one question before I give you the job, Mr. Lieberman, how do you discipline students?

Lieberman: I think the best way to keep kids in line is with a good old spanking on their adorable little, adolescent asses... That's right... (begins fondling himself) all the cream... Oh, yes...

(cut to another interview)

Mr. Hails: You seem to be the most impressive/appropriate applicant! When can you start?

Applicant: (not seem) Right now.

Mr. Hails: Excellent!!! It's great to have you aboard, Mr... Sorry, what was it again?

(we see the man. Clearly Mr. Page with a fake, blonde moustache)

Mr. Page: Mr. Page...Stein.

(SINISTER MUSIC X 2)

[tobo]

we should send all this stuff to J.K.Rowling!

[Googy McFloogal Puss]

See above post. I edited it. And, no, we shouldn't. She'll sue us.

[tobo]

oh ya... that wouldnt be good would it? and I am not an insignifigent being! you jack off

[Googy McFloogal Puss]

I never said you were. You had already pointed out you were in Ravenclaw. I didn't need to solidify the fact. Now, continue.

[tobo]

Ravenclaw becomes Calum, Tim, George and several other insignificant beings


Hmm? mr?

oh and can I finish off the rest of the Ravenclaws?

[Googy McFloogal Puss]

I was talking about the re-housings. I mentioned Josh because he missed the first year, but isn't really a first year. I never mentioned any people from other years. I appologise for the misunderstanding and hope you'll accept my dearest, most heartfelt appologies.

[Googy McFloogal Puss]

Do first year Ravenclaws.

[tobo]

ok

First year boys for Ravenclaw
1.me
2.Aaron (friend)
3.Cody (friend)
4.Jack (friend)

First year girls
1. Paige Barnhill (friend)
2. Jordan Smith (friend)
3. Hailey Vaugn (friend)
4. Courtney (Paiges younger sister)

[Googy McFloogal Puss]

Groovy. I wrote the last entry... Somebody throw in a flashback to the first night!

[tobo]

like, what do you mean?

[Chupa Spotter]

Up towards the common room The gryfindors are walking to their new homes for the year.

Josh: Where the fuck are the bathrooms!?!?!

Alex: Down stairs three storys.

Josh: Fuck that! That'l take to long to read!!! *Runs in corner and takes a piss*

Ven: What the fuck is up with the new kid?

Mr. Hails: Who are boy? Thinking you can piss in the halls?

Josh: I think I'm the guy who fucks your mom every night so shut your mouth!

Mr. Hails: I'm the new Head Master so I can expell you!

Josh: You can't expell a toaster now can you bitch!?!? *Turns into a toaster*

Mr. Hails: I'll get you. For right now neither do I have the time nor the interest to argue with a toaster! *Mr. Hails storms off and falls down a very long staircase*

Josh: *Turns back into a human, looks over to Alex* What the fuck was that man smoking?

[tobo]

meanwhile...

Tobo walked up to Aaron and Jack and Cody, "Cool we all got put in the same house" Tobo said, "ya" they said
together. Butros, the prefect for their house was giding
them towards their common room. They stepped up on to the moving staircase, and it took them away. They finnaly got to the knight of armor and Butros said the password "Memblota" and the knight moved aside. The first years looked at the giant hole in the wall, the entrance to their common room. They all entered and looked at their sorroundings. It was a beutiful sight, the whole room was painted dark blue and their were blue banners all around the room. Ravens were flying all over the ceiling and occasionally swooping down at the students. "You will get use to it" said Butros looking at them flying around. One swooped down and tried to hit Cody, but he wacked it with his hand and it hit the wall dead. "Oops" he said looking at the Raven on the ground, "Thats happened before" said Butros, picking it up by the tail and throwing it out of the entrance. Tobo walked into the room a little bit further, he saw two staircases, one to the left and one to the right. On top of the platforms that the stairs went up to, their was a door. I wonder which one is the boys room, thought Tobo. He asked Butros, "The one on the left is the boys the one on the right is the girls" he said in response. "I think all of you first years should get some nights rest" said Butros, "Whats your name anyway" he asked Tobo, "Tobo Bronwen Black, why?" he asked. "Just curios, I thought i had seen you before" Butros said. Tobo shrugged and walked towards the boys room, followed by Cody, Jack and Aaron. Tobo turned to see the girls head towards their rooms, he saw Paige walk towards her room, he watched her until she was in it. They climbed up the stairs and opened the door to go into the room. It was fairly big, just the right size actually, Tobo chose a top bunk, Cody got the bottom. Aaron and Jack climbed into their bunk bed. Cody wispered to Aaron from his bed, aaron laughed a little, "What are you guys talking about now?" asked Tobo. "Nothing" said Cody rather quickly, Tobo just shrugged not worrying about the subject. He turned to his side and went to bed, he couldnt wait for the next day.

[Googy McFloogal Puss]

I think you should change Calum to Butros as:
1. Calum is only a second year.
2. Calum has only just joined Ravenclaw; last year he was a Gryffindor.
3. Calum would never want to be a prefect
4. Calum would never be allowed to be a prefect

[tobo]

ok, I changed it